For October 2020 I reviewed I Have Something to Tell You: A Memoir by Chasten Buttigieg. He is the husband of Peter Buttigieg, Mayor Pete, the first openly gay politician to run for the Democratic nomination for the U.S. presidency. Chasten’s memoir has a natural progression that makes it personal and relatable. He talks about his childhood and growing up feeling different. We have all questioned our place in the universe, struggled with the big question of what we want to be when we grow up, and wondered if we will ever find the one. It’s all here in his story.

Chasten was born and raised near Traverse City, Michigan. His father, Terry Glezman owned a small landscaping business. His mother, Sherri, helped with the business and worked additional jobs to supplement their income. Chasten and his two older brothers grew up hunting, fishing, riding ATV’s and hiking in the woods around their home. He grew up in a loving home. The family’s politics were conservative and Chasten tried to fit in with his peers. He realized from an early age that he wasn’t like his brothers. He didn’t care as much about hunting or being the strongest. He put it off as the struggles of being the baby in the family – always playing catch up and running twice as hard just to keep up.

Growing up he realized he was more attracted to guys than he was to girls. He pushed away those feelings and prayed to be just like everybody else. Unfortunately, in a testosterone-soaked society, bullies have a knack for rooting out anyone who is different. Chasten was teased and bullied in school. His brothers dutifully came to his rescue, but they couldn’t hide their contempt for his perceived weakness. Chasten and his mom were always close, and home was where he always felt safe. He never doubted his parents’ love, but often worried they would not accept him if they knew he was attracted to men.  His father and brothers sometimes teased and played tricks on him to help “toughen him up.” Chasten was the baby and he just needed to “toughen up.”

When the opportunity came to spend his senior year as a foreign exchange student in Germany, he jumped at the chance. Up to this time, Chasten had never really admitted he was gay. The conversation he needed to have with himself was always pushed away. In Germany, he dated a few girls and made an important friend. She told him it was okay if he liked guys. It wasn’t a question he had asked, but having the answer was strangely liberating. Before he left Germany, he had his first same-sex kiss and for the first time, his feelings made sense.

Chasten returned home determined not to live a lie. His coming out was difficult. He packed his bags and put them in his car prior to handing his mom a carefully worded coming out letter. He couldn’t have the conversation. She couldn’t understand why he had chosen such a difficult path for himself. His mother and father both believed he was making a choice and he could change his mind and somehow choose to like women, get married, have kids, and never speak of being attracted to men again. He drove away and spent several months sleeping on friend’s couches or in his car.

His parents slowly began to come around. After graduating from high school, Chasten started college but was unable to settle on a career path. He was still struggling with his own identity. He speaks frankly about depression and suicidal thoughts. He also talks about being taken advantage of by someone he trusted and being assaulted.

Then, he talks about meeting Pete Buttigieg, the man he would fall in love with and marry after the landmark Supreme Court case, Obergefell v. Hodges in which SCOTUS ruled the fundamental right to marry is guaranteed to same-sex couples by both the Due Process Clause and the Equal Protection Clause of the Fourteenth Amendment to the United States Constitution.

Chasten also discusses life as the spouse of a mayor and the first openly gay candidate to run for his party’s nomination for president. After reading Becoming by Michelle Obama, I had a few insights into a spouse’s role during a campaign and while their spouse is in office.  I found it interesting how many in the press tried to fit Chasten into the traditional role of a candidate’s spouse - Speak when spoken to; always be upbeat and never say or do anything that differentiates you in any way from your spouse and his platform. Chasten, however, found his voice and his identity and has helped redefine how spouses (especially political spouses) should be regarded in society.

Chasten’s empathy and compassion shine throughout his story. His memoir reads like an intimate conversation between friends. Chasten admits and embraces his foibles in a way that gives us permission to do the same.  I found myself rooting for him and Mayor Pete whom I also respect and admire. I am expecting great things from these two men, and I can’t wait to see what the future holds for Chasten.

I Have Something to Tell You: A Memoir by Chasten Buttigieg was published by Atria Book. Atria books is a trademark of Simon & Schuster, Inc. It is available on Amazon, Barnes and Noble and at independent bookstores in your area. It can be purchased in hard cover, paperback or in e-reader form.

Photos taken from:

https://everipedia.org/wiki/lang_en/chasten-buttigieg

Book Jacket designed by Laywan Kwan. Photograph by Carina Teoh. Image taken from Chasten Buttigieg’s Facebook Page